Steven Joyce reminds journalists that everyone said Copernicus was wrong, too

Steven Joyce is confident he’ll be vindicated by the passage of time.

Steven Joyce is confident he’ll be vindicated by the passage of time.

Faced with economists left and right dismissing his claim that there is an $11.7 billion hole in the Labour Party’s pre-election fiscal plan, Finance Minister Steven Joyce continues to double down this evening, holding an impromptu press conference to teach journalists about Nicolaus Copernicus.

“Now, some of you may have done history,” he began. “I didn’t. But you know, here goes something.”

Joyce brought along a large presentation in the form of A1 sheets of paper, and a pointing stick.

“This,” he said, pointing to a picture of the globe, “is the Earth. That’s the thing we’re on. It’s like a big, round, rock kind of thing, as some of you know, some of you might’ve done geology. I didn’t.”

“This, we know today that this,” he paused to turn to the next sheet, a picture of the sun, “goes around this.”

“In fact,” he added, tracing a circle around the sun, “it goes around it like this, in a big circle. Why? I don’t know. It’s a mystery. But! Aha, and here’s the thing: we didn’t always know this.”

Joyce proceeded to tell the story of Nicolaus Copernicus, who was one of the first to propose the model of the Earth revolving around the sun, as opposed to the sun revolving around the Earth; a theory met with near unanimous disagreement by his peers at the time.

“The point is,” concluded Joyce, now having gone through fourteen sheets, some of which he insisted he had no idea how they got in there, “that just because absolutely everyone says I’m wrong, does not mean I am wrong.

“I don’t know how many of you did philosophy? I didn’t. But you get the point.”

Asked whether he could really be compared to one of history’s most influential thinkers, Joyce replied “Of course. It just happened.”

“With all due to respect, Steven,” interjected Newshub political editor Patrick Gower. “Copernicus died before anyone really believed him. I mean what are you saying here?”

“Well, I’m saying just that, Paddy,” said Joyce. “It might take some time, but in hundreds of years, people will look back and say ‘Gosh, Steven Joyce was right about the shortfall in operating expenditure.’”

“Any more questions?” he asked, faced with a now silent pack of journalists.

Barry Soper raised his hand.

“No, Barry, I’ve already explained the picture from my wedding night, I really can’t say anymore about that.”

Since this evening’s press conference, eight independent historians contacted by media have said Joyce is wrong, and that he is “not like Copernicus.”

The only dissenting voice comes from the Taxpayer’s Union, whose employed historian says Joyce is “absolutely the same.”