Teen critically injured after failing to blow on pie

Police are concerned that the lessons of their 2009 education campaign have been long forgotten

Police are concerned that the lessons of their 2009 education campaign have been long forgotten

A teen is in critical condition in Auckland City Hospital this morning after neglecting to blow on a pie before attempting to eat it.

The seventeen year old boy from Grey Lynn purchased the pie – understood to be a Big Ben’s Steak & Cheese – at his local dairy this morning before leaving to walk to school. But his journey was cut short when he collapsed just metres from the dairy, apparently having bitten into the oven-heated pastry.

The teen suffered extensive second degree burns to his mouth and esophagus, and doctors are unsure whether or not he’ll recover.

“It’s pretty serious” said Nigel Williams, the ambulance driver who helped transport the teen to the hospital. “He bit off nearly half the pie in one go. Didn’t blow on it at all, you know; no cooling procedure engaged in whatsoever. It’s just shocking that a kid would do something this stupid, you know? In today’s day and age? Unbelievable, really.”

The issue of hot pies was brought to the attention of New Zealanders back in 2009, when police Sergeant Guy Baldwin bravely intervened to help a youth who was in grave danger of imminent pie injury. But since then the issue has faded from the public spotlight, and some are questioning why more hasn’t been done to raise awareness.

“Look, we’ve let this issue get away in the last few years” said Superintendent Michael Clement, Auckland’s district commander. “It was a big thing a while back, but you stop talking about it, and kids, they just think it’s safe now. They go right back to doing it. I’ve been worried for a long time that we haven’t been talking about this enough. I mean, it’s sad, but it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.”

The phenomenon isn’t just something that police are concerned about. The risks associated with hot pies are very real says David Krofcheck, a physicist at the University of Auckland, who believes that science can offer an explanation as to why pies can become so dangerous. “Basically what happens inside of a pie is that, when it is placed in an oven like the one that you’d find in the Grey Lynn dairy, it slowly accumulates heat” he said. “Some of this heat has nuclear properties and this makes it what we call thermonuclear. Basically, at this point, the pie is no longer safe for human consumption.”

Asked if it would be safe for consumption by a smaller animal, such as a rabbit or turtle, Krofcheck replied “No, it would not. I don’t recommend you doing that.”