Tragedy as ball enters white thing seven times

Men in yellow shirts were left devastated by the physical position of the ball, while men in red and black shirts appeared moderately enthused.

Men in yellow shirts were left devastated by the physical position of the ball, while men in red and black shirts appeared moderately enthused.

The nation of Brazil is in mourning this evening after a round ball entered a white thing as many as seven times in the space of ninety minutes.

Brazilians, who had gathered in a large elliptical structure to scream, were horrified as they watched the small, black-and-white round object enter the white net-type thing around 5-6 more times than they had previously anticipated.

“It is perhaps the hardest thing I have ever had to watch in my entire life,” sputtered 23-year-old fan of balls and nets Filipe Cardozo. “Every time we looked, it was just sitting there, in the white thing. It was as though it was glaring at us; as though it knew.”

Cardozo described how the people around him broke into fits of total hysteria as they watched fellow Brazilians fail to keep the rolling sphere out of the area of mostly empty space surrounded on three sides by white stuff.

He said that there was “some relief” as the ball, at one point, entered an opposite, identical white thing, but by that point, it was “too late.”

“Our spirits had already been crushed by then,” he said. “We came to the yelling-bowl expecting to see the ball enter the white thing one, maybe two times, but seven? It’s heartbreaking.”

As Brazilians made their way home, they broke down in tears and tipped over vehicles. Bodies lay in the streets, buildings were torched, and children told to stay inside.

“Who will be held responsible!?” screamed students at a rally in downtown Sao Paulo.

“The buses are responsible!” yelled one man, as he proceeded to set a fully occupied bus alight.

Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff appealed for calm, but when challenged by an angry reporter, was forced to acknowledge that there was “no reason” to be calm.

Brazilian flags are currently flying at half mast, and a national year of mourning has been declared in the country.

In Germany, there was a different reaction to the ball’s entry of the wicket, with celebrations erupting across the nation.

“Obviously we’re happy,” said Frankfurt resident and kickball fan Arndt Fischer. “We try not to get too excited, though. The last time we did, a lot of people died.”

Germany has earned the right to kick balls toward white net-type things for another 90 minutes on Monday, something Brazil will also get to do a whole day earlier, making it deeply unclear why they’re so upset.