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U.S., Russia find common ground in desire to bring about death

Presidents Obama and Putin leave a G8 meeting satisfied that they agree on at least something.

Presidents Obama and Putin leave a G8 meeting satisfied that they agree on at least something.

A short meeting between U.S. President Barack Obama and Russian President Vladamir Putin at the G8 summit in Ireland today, has ended on a constructive note after both men found common ground in their desire to bring about death and destruction in war-torn Syria.

The meeting between the two men was tense at first, as they struggled to reconcile their support for two different sides of the Syrian civil war, but became much more cordial when they discovered their overarching goals were roughly the same.

“American and Russian positions on Syria do not coincide,” Putin bluntly told international media. “But we are tasked today not with finding where we disagree, but finding where we agree. And where we do have common ground, is in our mutual desire to bring about unspeakable casualty and death.”

Putin, who has been helping to arm the regime of Syrian president Bashar al-Assad as it continues its efforts to crush an organized rebellion, said that while he disagreed with President Obama’s decision to back that rebellion, he was pleased to see him flirting with the idea of getting more involved.

“We might have disagreements about how to get there, but one thing we can all agree on is that we want to see death on an unprecedented scale,” said Putin. “We talked. He told me he’d like to see the death of Assad and his loyalists. I said I’d like to see the death of traitors and their children. These are but minor details. We’d both like things to die.”

Later asked by media whether he was enjoying the summit, Putin said he was having fun, and that it was “just like the Cold War in the stories.”