Following the heroic actions of a British mother-of-two who bravely confronted a pair of Islamic terrorists in the streets of London today, the UK Government is considering whether the best approach to terrorism is to encourage the public to simply talk it out with their assailants.
Ingrid Loyau-Kennett, 48, potentially saved lives when she approached two men who had just brutally attacked a British soldier in broad daylight. She asked them why they’d done it and tried to persuade them not to hurt anyone else. Shortly thereafter, both men were in custody.
In response to the attack and inspired by the actions of Mrs. Loyau-Kennett, the Government is launching a new anti-terror campaign modeled on the anti-bullying advice provided to the nation’s children. The campaign will encourage Britons to stand up to terrorists by utilising phrases such as “Stop, I don’t like it,” “Real mature,” and “Your words don’t hurt me.”
“Terrorists are confused,” said Prime Minister David Cameron in a rousing speech to Parliament this afternoon. “Though they may appear bitter and angry, it is they who are unhappy with themselves. If you see a terrorist on the London Underground or in your community, and they try to hurt you, you turn to them, and you say ‘Stop it, I don’t like it.’”
“We don’t like it!” yelled Labour leader Ed Miliband from the other side of the chamber.
“No we do not!” declared Cameron to rapturous applause. “No we do not!”
The government was already in the process of putting together a series of television advertisements advising the public on how best to use anti-terror phrases.
“If you see a terrorist doing something you don’t like, tell him to stop,” said one ad against the visual backdrop of various ethnic minorities. “If he doesn’t, tell an adult.”
Another ad invited would-be terrorists to take a tour of the British Houses of Parliament so they might assess “what good blowing it up would do, really.”
But the new measures appear not to have deterred notorious Islamic terror group al Qaeda, who have responded by releasing an internet video threatening the UK with fresh attacks, saying that if they don’t like it, maybe they should stop calling them names.