Wellington man wonders whether he might as well just start preloading for New Year’s right now

Last year, the average New Zealander began preloading for New Year’s Even in mid July.

Last year, the average New Zealander began preloading for New Year’s Eve in mid July.

Given the current state of his personal and financial affairs, and the growing certainty that nothing of note will happen between now and 2018, one Wellington man is beginning to wonder whether Saint Patrick’s Day is the perfect opportunity to just start preloading for New Year’s Eve right now.

“It seems right,” he quietly mused over a coffee this morning. “I mean, preloading for New Year’s is pretty important. Bars are expensive. If I start now, I can be pretty hammered by the time we go out in just 289 days.”

While he acknowledged it might be disappointing to his parents and employer were they to find out over the course of the next nine months, he was confident they probably wouldn’t notice the difference.

“I mean it’s not like I left any meaningful mark on the world in the last nine months,” he shrugged. “Besides, if I get started tonight, I can probably fit in a few bags of chips between now and then and still be pretty tonked come 2018.”

The man’s plan was not fully endorsed by the doctors we asked to comment on this story, who said that it was best people begin preloading nine to ten weeks prior to the event in question, rather than nine to ten months.