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What’s in the 2016 Budget?

  • 2016budgetstoryTremendous amounts of money.
  • $50 million education campaign telling poor people to stop being poor.
  • $7 billion to be sent offshore to protect it from tax.
  • $2 million to investigate best thing to do with two million dollars.
  • A new tax on dildo manufacturers.
  • Government revenue and debt forecasts to meet Bill English’s 2020 target of “having at least some money left.”
  • $192 to cover Cabinet Netflix account.
  • $39 million for new bowel screening programme specifically for Peter Dunne.
  • $3 billion in tax cuts.
  • $33,000 for search party to check if Invercargill is still there.
  • $1 million to replace all Kyle Lockwood flags in Beehive with actual flag.
  • $178.7 million for the SIS and GCSB to do nothing at all don’t worry about it.
  • $4 million for SuperGold card to provide free access to Parliamentary cafe.
  • $100 million to make rivers and lakes look cleaner by pouring blue food colouring into them.
  • $40 million in funding for Whanau Ora, with specific focus on finding out what Whanau Ora is.
  • $1,000 for every homeless person who agrees to go be homeless somewhere else.
  • Tobacco tax to increase by 10% every year, and will now apply to Spacemen Candy Sticks and Corinthians.
  • $5 million to clean up Budget typo promising $3 billion in tax cuts.