Health & Well-being

1pm Covid Health Update for 17th October, 2020

1pm Covid Health Update for 17th October, 2020

What follows is today’s 1pm health update from the Ministry of Health There are 12 new cases of Covid-19 today, six in managed isolation, three escaped, and three are wealthy foreigners so it’s fine. One of these cases is a man in his 50s who visited Auckland sex club Fisting […]

Watch out for anything that looks like this

The Civilian’s guide to preparing for Coronavirus

Well, it looks like it’s here. The most anticipated disease of the decade has reached our shores, and New Zealanders couldn’t be more excited. Indeed, nothing says excitement like flocking to the supermarket to purchase up the nation’s supply of toilet paper. Some may laugh at you for doing this, […]

Strawberries have traditionally contained more strawberry.

Australian fruit brands promise items found in strawberries will be ‘more fun’ from now on

Australian fruit brands affected by the recent spate of needles found in their strawberries are attempting to win back customers by promising that items found in their fruit will be “much more fun” from now on, and while there was still an unfortunate risk that you might find a needle […]

Doctors say if the baby hasn't arrived at the end of the week, it probably won't.

As nation waits for baby, medical experts say it might just stay in there forever

Three days have passed since Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern was due to give birth to the greatest baby known to have ever been born in these parts, and as the hours drag on with no news, fears are beginning to emerge that it may never be born. Medical experts contacted […]

Pregnant women all around Auckland are crossing their fingers and hoping to experience the great miracle of medical malpractice

Pregnant Auckland women hopeful their babies will be accidentally switched with the Prime Minister’s

Pregnant Auckland women due to give birth this weekend are excited at the possibility that their baby may be accidentally switched with the Prime Minister’s in a routine hospital mix-up. The birth of Jacinda Ardern and Clarke Gayford’s first known child has raised an exciting opportunity for couples who conceived […]

PICTURED: Lots of bananas

Five things you didn’t know about bananas because they aren’t true

The internet sure is a wonderful place. There’s so much to know! We’ve come a long way from the days where a teenager’s greatest learning experience on a computer was typing “vagina” into Encarta. Nowadays, when you type a naughty word into your search bar, the results are much better. […]